Of Parchment and Pens
by random4ever
Summary: Remus gets bored in history, and what better way to spend time then pass notes with Sirius? One-shot, not slash. R&R svp.


Rated: K

Words: 1,020

Disclaimer: I don't even own this computer.

Genre: Humor

Warnings: None, unless you're allergic to mentions of fire or ice. (Sorry!)

A/N: 100% of this conversation was what my bffl in life Sabrina Fowl and I once wrote down on paper... Don't ask. Reviews are rewarded with a dessert of your choice!

oO-.-Oo

"-not to mention Sir Humphrey the Spiteful, who felt that it was his duty during the Goblin Wars of the years 500-526 After Merlin to ensure that-"

You can't judge me when I say that I, Remus John Lupin, am not ashamed to admit that I zoned out. I'd read the textbook later- it was way more interesting than listening to Binns' lectures. I wasn't the only one, and I'd done it many times before. Heck, even Lily did.

Too bad I'd forgotten my book; I was really looking forward to finding out what Pollyanna would be able to be glad about next. I mean, it was incredible! She found something to be glad about in everything: having a terrible room, dead parents... You know what? I'll shut up.

I'd have to look for other means of distraction then.

Sleeping wasn't an option, since I'd never been able to sleep during daylight so far from the moon.

I looked around for ideas and spotted James repeatedly alternating between staring at Lily and drawing hearts with J+L in the middle. Like that was much help.

Lily herself seemed to be reading. I'd already crossed that out, having no book myself.

Most of the Hufflepuffs were sleeping, and the rest seemed to be actually paying attention, too kind to hurt Binns' feelings (not that he noticed.)

Peter was drawing a surprisingly accurate portrait of the girl diagonally in front of him, whom he had a crush on. Useless for my purposes.

I then looked at Sirius next to me, who was twirling his blue pen in his hand. Everyone in Muggle Studies had been given a pen, in order to not be stumped with what to do with one if he or she found him or herself in a Muggle town and was presented with said pen.

I glanced down at mine, with its horrific color red, and got an idea.

I grabbed a blank sheet of parchment from my bag and wrote down _I have the red pen of doom._ I added a smiley face for good measure and slid the sheet over to my fellow marauder.

Sirius looked up in surprise after he'd read my note. But then he smiled wickedly and dropped his own pen, grabbing mine before I could protest.

He wrote back Ha! Now I stole it from you!

I snatched the parchment back and then lunged for his abandoned writing utensil.

_But- I have the more awesome blue pen of epic peace._ I slid the paper over to his side of the table before awkwardly writing _Beat that._ next to my previous sentence.

Sirius drew some lines on the paper and wrote down FIRE next to it.

I smirked and drew a hose with water squirting at the fire, writing in _more amazing water_.

Sirius glared over at me and I smiled, showing my overly-long canines. I was owning this conversation.

Fire is too awesome to be washed out. Some say it is alive. It breaths like people.

I raised an eyebrow at this tidbit of invaluable information. Apparently my friend was more like his family than I'd thought: completely bonkers.

I would have to think about my response to that though. Fire = people = Earth... Wasn't there that one poem about the world ending? By Something Frost? Oh yeah, Fire and Ice. How did it go again? Right.

_But to end the world, ice (so... water) will suffice._

Another raised eyebrow, this time directed at me. I stuck my tongue out. Childish, I know, but James and him already considered me as their little brother when it came to some things (and a mother hen when it came to others), so why not play along?

Will suffice means it would do. The world will end in fire Another picture of fire served as a period.

This wouldn't work. I'd been winning! _Your argument is invalid. See- I already won._ Some little scribbles representing water followed my statement.

Wrote Sirius: The fire heats up all the water and turns it into gas. I win. I was surprised he actually knew this, considering we wouldn't learn that until the next Transfiguration unit, the one about temperature change and liquids.

_Yes- but then the "gas" turns into a cloud and rains on said fire which by then won't have any fuel left.__  
><em>  
>Sirius started chewing on his (my!) pen. He covered the parchment so that I couldn't see what he was writing, and responded. <span>A volcano erupts... Smoke covers the Earth, all beings die. Water is soiled. A new age of fire begins...<span>  
><span>  
>I snorted as I read that: bonkers. Shaking my head I penned <em>Soiled water is still water. The ashes will help cover the flames.<em>_  
><em>  
>Again I was surprised, this time because of his knowledge of Muggle rumors. <span>GLOBAL WARMING!<span>  
><span>  
>But then he went right back to clueless with <span>All ashes will heat up and turn to fire. Water is banished to underground lakes.<span>  
><span>  
>I noticed with amusement that he'd hastily scribbled out <span>'Water evaporates into a'<span>, which had been right before the comment about underground lakes.

_Ash doesn't burn. It was burned so much it couldn't anymore. And global warming just makes ice melt. More water for us!__  
><em>  
>I looked up after writing this to see grudging consent in Sirius' eyes. I'd seen that look before. It was his 'I knew we'd made you a marauder for a reason' look. He reached out slowly with his (my!) red pen and made three dashes, signifying his lack of response.<p>

_Ha! I win by forfeit!_ I grinned at him to show I was joking and then nearly jumped out of my skin when the bell rang.

Collecting my stuff (including the better-colored blue pen, since Sirius had already put mine in his bag) I smiled.

Class with Binns had never been so interesting before. And I had a worthwhile conversation on parchment, sure to be able to guarantee some laughs from friends. It would have to be revealed when Sirius was present, of course. My mind already started plotting a way to work this into conversation... 


End file.
